Monday, August 31, 2009

Getting over the old

This was written over a period of time. In my journal, the date last reads: September 25, 2009.

My lonely bed lies broken. The support strained from all the burden. The invisible rock crushing my bones, wet with blood. I fall beneath the pressure. I can't escape his gaze. The one with the sparkles. The wide-eyed kisses. The ones I dream about. It's too much to handle and he's over it. But this is about me. This is my journey. Mine to explore and do. Wanting things and getting them. Stop the intensity. Stop the addiction, the constant checking-up and prodding to get attention. He's stopped responding. He's moving on. His kisses lie as memories now, as wetness now dry. Get over him. He's over you. He never really needed you. He didn't know who you were to him. It was trivial. I guess he's ready to let his wall down. I guess. I won't be there to see it but it'll happen. He's already done more than me.

But stop it! This is your life. Get over it. Stop the comparisons. The monotony. It's dragging you beneath the surface and you are ready to fly. Live YOUR life. What are you passionate about? Spill it on your feet, make the guts fall on your shoelaces. Let the drippings manifest themselves into the seeps of the sidewalk, planting the seeds of the future. Just do it. No more fear. No regrets. The sky is the limit. Open your wings.

Well, that's what I'm told, right? But in the meantime, I'm just getting by. Afraid of being crushed by the man, I'm unwilling to negotiate the cause. Stuck as it seems in the marrow of time. Lost within the two streets I need to arrive upon. Catch the bus and swallow the pill. Make reality real. Stop pretending and just do!

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